Dial M for Monkey by Adam Maxwell

Author:Adam Maxwell
Format: mobi
Tags: Fiction - General, Short Stories & Fiction Anthologies, Short stories, Short Stories (single author), Fiction
ISBN: 9780955218323
Publisher: Feedbooks
Published: 2006-06-30T05:00:00+00:00

Is That To Go?

Geoff and Martin are sitting in a popular global coffee outlet which I can’t name for legal reasons (it’s Starbucks). They have been there for some time and Geoff has become concerned.

‘Martin,’ Geoff begins, on the verge of reiterating what the author just pointed out. ‘I’m worried about you.’

Martin shakes his head rapidly left and right.

Geoff sips his coffee. It tastes great; not too warm, not too cold, not too strong, not too weak. Fan-bloody-tastic.

Martin continues to shake his head leftright.

Geoff reaches out and places his mug on the table between them then gently extends his palm and places it on Martin's juddering forearm. Martin stops momentarily, his gaze crunching to a halt on the back of Geoff’s hand.

‘How much coffee have you had?’ but Geoff already knows the answer.

‘No-noNOtenOugh. Not. No. Notenough. Enough. No. Nono.’

Geoff stares at Martin like a long lost lover, wondering where it all went wrong. But Geoff knows. Martin was holidaying in the U.S. and saw a TV report that McDonalds had been sued over the temperature of their coffee. Easy, he thought as he returned on the plane. Some minor oral scalding and I can retire early.

Martin had not counted that McDonalds communication system worked faster than a bush telegraph, faster even than a 747 and it wasn’t until he reached Casualty that he realised a warning message had been placed on the cup.

Unperturbed he had looked for his own niche. His own way of fucking the corporate world over. Geoff had a funny feeling that Martin had found the niche.

‘Five hours,’ Martin begins cautiously, his eyes fizzing with static, darting up-up-down. ‘FifteenNnNoNONineTEEN.’

Geoff makes to interrupt but Martin jitters beyond interjection, throwing Geoff’s palm from his arm with a shout.

‘Yesteen. Nineteen. Nineteen CofFees. Nine. Teen.’ His head drops to the table and his arms snap over the top. ‘STOP!’

For the time it takes to slice the cheesecake there is silence then he’s whipped upright and scratching at his forearm, scratching like someone had slipped a leech under there and it is slowly sucking the life blood from him.

‘McMc’ he purses his lips, staring at Geoff.

‘Donalds?’

‘Right! Donalds. Didn’t work. No, nope no way not that one, didn’t go to plan. This one will it will it will. YesyesYES.’

Martin nods and nods updownupdownupdown.

‘Martin,’ asks Geoff between the virtual seizure before him. ‘What are you…’

‘Doing? GoodquestionknewYOUwouldask. Brightman, cleverbloke. In. The. Know.’ He draws breath then: ‘TwentytwentySIX coffees. Twintowntwentysixsexsixy six SIX. Twentysix and that’s the strike. No warning nowarning body cantake it. Can’t handle it nowaynohow. No. No. Get to twenty SIX! Twentysixthecharm then downdowndown.’

He stop mid-yammer to jab a sweaty finger at his cup.

‘No warning,’ he hisses, as he leans forward as if pushing all his concentration into his frontal lobes. ‘Twenty Seven. Cups. Grande. Will. Kill. ThenweSUE. Lawyers. MmmmHmm.’

Geoff stands up and ruffles his friend’s hair playfully. ‘Martin?’

‘Yes. YES!’

Geoff clenches his fist and punches Martin as hard as he can square in the face.

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.